


A possible Episode 1 Season 3

by LazyWriter



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 12:39:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyWriter/pseuds/LazyWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story takes place right after the season 2 finale.<br/>As I'm not a native english speaker, please excuse me for any mistakes & don't hesitate to correct me or to mention when it is not understandable :-)<br/>Thank you!</p>
<p>PS: I do not own the characters. This work is not for profit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A possible Episode 1 Season 3

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tania M](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Tania+M).



_Jess and Nick, Jess's car_

**Nick** : because it's slower my way!

**Jess** : why would you want to make it slower?

**Nick** : don't know kindda like hanging out with you…

           **Jess** : Na, saying left when I say right it's just you being controversial!

**Nick** : Well and I will say yes to that and in doing so I'm just proving you that you are wrong!

           **Jess** : … Don't try to mess up with me Miller, you are not equipped for that!

            **Nick** : you're right ( _he winks at her_ ) I'm not equipped for that I've just been *created* for that! All right Bonnie, what's the next wedding we crash? God I think we forgot the badger and my Cotton Eyed Joe CD, we definitly should go back!

           **Jess** : too soon Nick, way too soon! Don't make jokes about that!

 

_Winston, a paramedic, the bar at the wedding place._

            **Paramedic** : where's the bleeding guy?

_He stares at the whole bar, but everyone seems OK… then Winston waves at him_

            **Winston** : I'm here! I'm here! I'm gonna die! Oh god, I'm so GONNA DIE! Do something! Quicker! Oh GOD! ( _he fiddles with this shirt nervously as if he wants to take it off but manage to control himself_ )

            **Paramedic** : calm down you look totally OK… who applied that to you ( _he shows the tourniquet on Winston's arm_ )

**Winston** , _with a forced dying voice_ : I did it… I watched my fair share of Rambo movies; I knew what I had to do!

           **Paramedic** : what? For two drops of blood? You're an imbecile! ( _He checks the tourniquet_ ) Thank God you did not over tighten it.

           **Winston** : a badger bit me I had no choice!

           **Paramedic** : a what?!

           **Winston** : a badger, man… some of us have scary lives you know…

           **Paramedic** : right so you *are* coming to the hospital after all, you need to run some tests. A badger? really?

_Winston is about to talk._

            **Paramedic** : No, don't tell me… I'm OK, don't need to know…

_They both start walking towards the exit. The Paramedic starts to fill some forms while walking._

           **Paramedic** : What's your complete name?

 

_Nick and Jess, Jess's car:_

            **Nick** : OK let's play a game. I ask you a question and you answer as fast as you can, no thinking: what's your biggest dream?

            **Jess** : well I don't know…

            **Nick** : no thinking Jess, you're already cheating!

           **Jess** : OK! that all kids would have equal chances to start on with their lives.

            **Nick** : Come on! An achievable dream! of course we all want no war and peace and whatever crap human beings will never achieve!

            **Jess** : since when dreams should be achievable?

            **Nick** : Jeeeeess!

            **Jess** : OK… well…

            **Nick** : no thinking!

**Jess** _, smiling_ : to make a difference for every kid I teach!

_Nick looks at Jess and smiles._

            **Nick** : … waw Jess that's… you're…

            **Jess:** what's yours? No thinking! No thinking!

            **Nick** , _half smirking_ : ah. Everything I could say now is gonna sound so selfish! I want to know what success feels like! I want to publish a book, a good one you know! That people would actually like and it would make them laugh because it would be funny but INTENTIONALLY funny you know! I want my mom to be proud of me, with no need to hide anything that occurred to me… like half of my life! I want to love and to be loved…

_He stops talking, his eyes still on the road._

**Nick** : and I want to make a difference as well you know?

_He shortly looks at Jess who is looking at him with a big smile._

            **Nick** : well we said ONE dream, huh? My bad…

_They pause, Jess is about to say something but she doesn't… instead she passes her hand in Nick's hair. Nick ducks his head_

            **Nick** : oh wait, hey, that's really intimate, OK? I'm not sure we've reached this stage yet.

_He looks at Jess half-serious, half-smiling._

            **Jess:** ah! You're so weird with your hair! You've got great hair, I always want to pass my hand in your hair.

_Jess is about to touch Nick's hair again but he shifts his head away._

            **Nick** : Jess, we are in the middle of a great game you can't, you can't touch my hair like that! So you know my biggest dream now… hey I'm wondering how Schmidt is doing right now, you know one of HIS biggest dream just came true… be a girl magnet… maybe sometimes dreams are not made to be achieved indeed!

 

_Hospital waiting room, Winston, talking on the phone:_

            **Winston:** Schmidt calm down, no neither Cece nor Elizabeth are gonna crazy murder you, relax man!, this kind of stuff happens all the time…. And no one dies! (silence) Whaaaaaaaaaat? They shot the badger? Oooooh buddy B…

_We see Schmidt, he is in a car park, hiding behind a car, from time to time he looks over the car, panicked, to see if anyone's approaching._

            **Schmidt:** you don't understand, I'm done, it's over, I did not choose right away which one of them I wanted to be with so now they hate me both, they are gonna look after me, find me and kill me. You don't understand I'm not that kind of guy girls would let go that easily. I unleash Passions, I set off Idolatry, I trigger Lust, I am not One but Many Fantasies, girls get drunk off my inner spring!

            **Winston:** Ewww! Jar! And Jar again, no one is gonna kill you. You have to relax, go home, make some ( _with forced Chinese accent_ ) "oolong crazy Schmidt tea", take some rest and am sure tomorrow everything will be clearer!

_Back on Schmidt who is obviously not listening, and still freaking out, watching over his shoulder and under the car…_

            **Schmidt:** Winston, Winston, I know! I have to convert from Jew to Mormon so that I can get several wives and that's it, I'm off the hook! You KNOW I have what it takes to please these two women, I…

          **Winston:** and triple jar! You're so much more of a moron than a Mormon, can you please let it go? why aren't you here anyway? I might be dying man! All because of you! And now I may die from badger bite and I'm gonna die ALONE!

_He shouts the last sentence and all the people from the waiting room look at him._

            **Winston:** well technically *not* alone, but you know what I mean…

            **Schmidt:** Winston, bro, I can't be with you, that's the first place *they* are gonna check out for me, you have to be on my side here, I'm so much closer to death than you right now.

            **Nurse** : Sir, this is a hospital here, you're not supposed to use cell phones, please hang up. The doctor wants to see you anyway, please follow me.

            **Winston:** Schmidt, man, I have to go, don't do anything stupid! Well just don't do anything at all. Or do one thing: go home and stop overthinking all that!

            **Schmidt:** Winston, Winston, you can't hang up, I'm scared! Please don't! don't! [shouting] Winstoooooooooooooon!

_Schmidt realizes that he is shouting to his phone, that Winston hanged up and looks all around him._

            **Schmidt** , _to himself_ : Oh my god this is not a safe place anymore now Schmidty, you have to go, you're the fugitive, you can't stay at the same place more than 15 minutes in a row, you must not shout your friends' name all over the place… Where's Nick when I need him!

 

_Back to Jess's car._

            **Jess:** and I'm telling you he better choose Cece! He's crying he is in love with her since 2 years, he ruined her wedding and now he flew away, come on! These two should be together! They should have a go, a real one. They are so similar!

            **Nick** : you don't understand, Jess, being similar may be really bad for both of them! They already have hurt themselves a lot! they always are in a fight about who is the one "ruling", Schmidt will always be jealous of any guy that is close to Cece, even if it is only professionally, their relationship is doomed! Whereas Elizabeth is a good person! She makes Schmidt a better person! Schmidt! A better person?! Come on you can't seriously be blind to this argument!

            **Jess:** Niiiiiiick! Schmidt and Cece are IN LOVE what do you want more!?

            **Nick** : I want Schmidt to be happy and a better person!! He's my best friend! and I don't think him being happy goes with him being with Cece, and they are not in love and even if they were it wouldn't change anything! Elizabeth is the one for him. Your model friend will find somebody else as long as she quits looking for someone in marriage convention. BLuh! (he makes a face)

_Jess is obviously upset. She replies making a face of her own._

            **Jess:** bluh yourself you don't understand anything to love and to what is good for someone. And you don't understand they should really try, like full mode on, no secrets, plenty of dates, poems and whatever it takes!

            **Nick** : but they already tried and IT DIDN'T WORK!

            **Jess:** because they did not *really* try it! Argh! You're pissing me off!

            **Nick** : no YOU're pissing me off!

_They pass a car stopped on the road, a guy is waving at them, obviously asking them to stop._

            **Jess:** Nick! Stop the car! That guy needs help!

            **Nick** : Jess, how can you fall for that? the guy is obviously a thief waiting for naïve conductors to stop!

            **Jess:** Nick, come on, we do not live in a movie, people get flat tires and empty gas tanks and need other people help, our help! Stop the car, go back!

_Nick pulls the car on the side of the road. They are several hundreds of meters away from the car they passed by._

          **Nick** : Jess, I've seen this guy eyes I can tell you he's a thief, what else can he be? Can't he phone someone, phone a garage? That's not our problem!

          **Jess:** gosh, Nick, helping people is our problem… please!?

_Nick stays silent for a while, uncomfortable, obviously thinking about all that…_

            **Nick** : OK let's do that, we can do it, I can protect you, you want to go, let's go.

_Nick starts the engine again and does a U turn._

            **Jess:** thanks Nick, that means a lot to me, we are so gonna go to heaven if this guy kills us...

            **Nick** : not funny Jess, not funny!!

 

_Back to the hospital, Winston is in the consultation room with a female doctor._

            **Doctor:** so let me repeat it clearly: never apply a tourniquet for a few drops of blood! Never! It's only for very very very *life threatening you are so dying you couldn't apply a tourniquet yourself* bleeding! while a tourniquet is not a trivial act as it could cause the amputation of the limb it was applied to. Do you understand me?

            **Winston:** OH MY GOD I ALMOST LOST MY ARM, OH MY GOD! I ALMOST LOST MY ARM OH MY GOD I ( _keeps rambling_ )

_The Doctor frowns and adds quietly._

            **Doctor** : if only people could follow more first aid training courses and spend less time on the internet, watching series, making gifs and writing fan fiction…

            **Winston** , dithyrambic: I'm Theodore K Mullins, defender of the oppressed, oppressor of the oppressive and I will not let you speak of my people like that!!

_The Doctor looks weirdly at Winston._

           **Doctor:** well your file here says you are Winston Bishop and that all your tests were OK but looks like we're gonna rerun them!

            **Winston:** no, no needles, not again, I'm OK, I'm Winston Bishop, I won't apply a tourniquet again, I swear, let me go, my friends need me!

_Winston starts to fiddle with his shirt once more, the doctor looks alarmed._

            **Doctor:** OK sir, not again, don't take off your clothes, you're good, everything is good you just have to relax, nurse?! Nurse!

 

_Back with Nick and Jess, they just parked their car in front of the stopped car and Jess goes out quickly, Nick follows her unwillingly, looking over his head and staying behind Jess, his right hand in his pocket. It takes it out, he is holding his phone, and we can see he is ready to press the dial button for 911, he doesn't press it and put his hand and phone back in his pocket, letting him only his left hand free to try to stop Jess to go further._

            **Jess:** hey sir, what's wrong, how can we help you?

            **Nick,** _looking everywhere, really stressed_ : yeah what's wrong, how can we help you although we have nothing nothing with us, nothing you know? And our car barely functions…. And so many people that know exactly where we are right now are waiting for us… like uncle Ben, uncle Ben who is a cop you know, yes, yes, he is. Haha good old Ben. COP Ben we call him, ahah, funny no? no?

_Jess stares at Nick insistently and resume looking to the guy._

            **Guy:** hu yeah, OK, well thanks for stopping then, me and my wife (he points his finger to a person seated against the car, only his or her shoes are visible since the person is seated behind the car) are all locked out of our car, you're never gonna believe me: my wife got a panic attack and threw the keys away and of course our phones, money and other stuffs are inside the car so now we're stuck and we could really use a phone!!

            **Nick** , _very quietly and stressed out, to Jess_ : Oh my god he is not alone, the other dude must have a gun, we have to go, we have to go, what kind of lie is that anyway, she threw the keys away? come on! Jess let's go, it's not safe!

            **Jess** , _turning to Nick, very loudly_ : your wife threw your keys away in a panic attack, WELL WHO IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD DO THAT?!.... NIIIIICK, any idea?!!

            **Nick** , still in a low voice: it is so not the same Jess, let's go quick, my guts tell me it's wrong!

_A nicely-looking, very skinny woman, stands up from behind the car, empty handed, with a shy smile…_

            **Woman** , _very quiet:_ ho hi there, thank you so much for stopping, well I am not sure what happened to me haha….

         **Jess:** that's totally right, no need to explain, take my phone, make a call, no problem guys. She turns to Nick: see, all under control, relax now… (Nick is looking to his hand in his pocket, putting it back in and taking it out nervously…) and stop doing that!

            **Nick** _frowning, in a low voice_ : well, my father taught me that you're never too careful… you never know. I'm supposed to protect you. I'm really serious about that!

          **Jess:** thanks Nick but you know, I did not know your father a lot but I can imagine WHY he would teach his son not to trust people!! But all people are not like him and mostly I believe you can rely on people and you should help them when you can and they will thank you for that and not just run away and then you have helped make the world a better place!

            **Nick** looks at Jess: well yeah, maybe… never thought about it like that actually…

           **Guy** , _giving back the phone to Jess_ : you are our life savers! thank you! there are so few cars on this road and no one was stopping and thank you so much! You know what? Wait for the guys to arrive and open up the car, I give you our 2 days pass to the spa I got in there (showing the car), it's just a couple of hours from here, and we are not going there anymore anyway…

           **Woman** : nope we're not and you know why!

           **Guy** , _smiling shyly_ : haha, ha, haha, how long have you been together you guys? You look close and still in love, I'd say one year and 3 months (smiling widely at his guess)

_Jess and Nick look at each other and Nick is blushing and uncomfortable._

           **Jess:** oh sir, you are far from reality!!

           **Guy** : oh sorry it must be longer, didn't want to be rude anyway, we can tell you know each other very well! you know how a couple works then… sometimes there is some friction, it's normal, you just have to take care of it at the very beginning, right?, don't let the things swell and get out of control, but always talk talk talk be honest be honest be honest right?! Ahaha! and that what we're gonna do huh honey? Talk talk talk nothing can't be talk down surely!?

_The woman seems to relax a bit._

            **Woman** : yes Henry you're right, but still taking me to a SPA for our 20 year anniversary when you know I hate mud and being touched by people I don't know, I still can't believe you can be so wrong sometime!

            **Guy** : well you know, I thought it would be a nice surprise… I was wrong, mea culpa… but we got to meet some very nice people out of it (nodding to Jess and Nick)…

 

_Loft. Winston just entered._

            **Winston:** Schmidt? Schmidty? Where are you man?? Are you here? Schmidt?

            **Schmidt** , _in a very very quiet voice_ : are you alone?

            **Winston:** Schmidt? Is that you? Where are you?

            **Schmidt** , _still whispering_ : have you locked the door?

            **Winston,** _entering Schmidt's room_ : Schmidt are you in there?

            **Schmidt** , _still low_ : sssshhhh! Do you want me to get killed or what?

_Winston opens the closet door and looks at Schmidt in disbelief. He is hiding there, with a torch light, wearing an army camouflage outfit, and putting black polish on his face._

            **Schmidt:** are you sure no one followed you?

          **Winston:** Schmidt, I came back home, Cece AND Elisabeth already know you and I live here, how could it matter if someone followed me?

            **Schmidt:** whatever, Winston, am not gonna stay here anyway ( _his watch beeps_ ), oh my god it's been 15 minutes I haven't change place I must go somewhere else, let me go, let me go!

_Winston is blocking the way out and grabs Schmidt firmly._

            **Winston:** Schmidt! Are you gonna stop acting like a kid please? What the hell with you?! No one is gonna kill you! You just have to choose who you want to be with, relax, get out of the closet, take a beer, talk, think, everything is OK!

          **Schmidt,** _now aloud_ : yes right, *out of the closet*, yes, *Theodore K Mullins*, we could tell the chicks I'm gay! that would be a great alibi! and surely calm them down. Yes! You're a genius!

            **Winston:** OK, no, that is not what I wanted to say, Schmidt, calm down, breathe. OK? You know what? I know how to solve this problem. Are you ready?

            **Schmidt:** whatever it takes, I'm ready!

_Silence. Schmidt protects his lower parts instinctively._

            **Schmidt:** is this gonna hurt?

           **Winston:** noooooooooo! Come on, answer quickly, no thinking: Nike or Adidas?

            **Schmidt,** _answering very fast_ : Prada, duh.

            **Winston:** orange or banana?

            **Schmidt** , _with a smile_ : strawberries with a hint of homemade whipped cream

            **Winston:** New York or Miami?

            **Schmidt:** what a stupid question, LA of course!

            **Winston** , _sighing_ : yellow or green?

            **Schmidt:** well I prefer gamboge to yellow, malachite to green, my favorite *secret* color is Razzmatazz but I tell everyone it is Caput Mortuum.

            **Winston:** whaaaaat? OK right let's keep going on, no thinking, no thinking: Nick or me?

            **Schmidt:** Nick! Oh ah… (Schmidt looks half surprised half embarrassed to have answered that) sorry bro, it's just that he *is* my oldest friend you know. You're definitely number 2!

            **Winston:** yeah, OK, that's OK, no problem, that's the spirit, let's keep rolling: guitar or flute?

            **Schmidt** , _still very fast, very serious_ : renaissance harpsichord!

            **Winston** : Elisabeth or Cece?

            **Schmidt** , _even faster_ : Winston! Where the hell have you been the last 5 hours? I *don't know* and both of them want to *kill me* now!

            **Winston:** oh my god Schmidt. That's it, I give up. I think the only person that faces an imminent death right now is ME, you are KILLING me! Good night, go to sleep, we'll speak about that tomorrow!

 

_Back to Jess and Nick, a member of an hotel staff open a door and let them enter in a very very fancy hotel suite._

            **Girl from hotel staff:** here is your suite Mr and Mrs Schmickle, hope you'll enjoy your stay here! If you need anything please just call reception, there are towels in the bathroom and all the minibar service is complimentary, as requested.

_The girl stops speaking looking to Jess insistently._

**Girl** : oh and I must say you both look so young, who would believe you are both over 45?... What's your secret?

_The girl giggles, looking very curious... Jess replies with a very cold stare… which makes the girl leave, letting the Schmickles alone. Nick goes straight to the minibar and opens it. Jess is looking around._

            **Jess:** well I'm quite offended no one asked for my ID!

            **Nick** : oh! Are you? Maybe you fancied sleeping in the car? I'm OK to have people think I'm 93 if it means I can be in more hotels like that… with you… you know…

_Jess stops and looks at Nick._

            **Jess:** hum, I see your point… though don't you have some kind of apologies to make? I mean how is that Mr and Mrs Schmickle are so lucky to be here toniiiiiight ( _she sings the last bit_ )

            **Nick** : well ( _he closes the mini bar and walks towards Jess_ ) you were right, this time, people are not all thieves, and some of them can be quite generous actually… or… I wonder if this is not part of a whole larger set up… ( _Nick seems nervous and worried_ ) I mean maybe someone is trying to incriminate us in some dirty story, must be drug related… maybe even a murder!...

            **Jess:** Niiiick! Please can you stop doing that?

            **Nick** : doing what?

            **Jess:** putting your dramatic lenses on and seeing everything in black? Could you instead try enjoying the present moment?

_Nick takes a large breathe and smile largely... and steps very close to Jess._

           **Nick** : well, actually, Jessica, I do think I can do exactly that.

_Nick starts kissing Jess softly._

_THE END :-)_

 


End file.
